You Can Win | Shiv Khera

A ten-year-old boy went to an ice cream shop, sat at a table, and asked the waitress, “How much is an ice-cream cone?” She said, “Seventy-five cents.” The boy started counting the coins he had in his hand. Then he asked how much a small cup of ice cream was. The waitress impatiently replied, “Sixty-five cents.” The boy said, “I will have the small ice cream cup.” The boy ate his ice-cream, paid the bill, and left. When the waitress came to pick up the empty plate, she was touched. Underneath were ten one-cent coins left as the tip. The young boy had consideration for the waitress before he ordered his ice cream. He showed sensitivity and caring. He thought of others before himself.

If we all thought like the little boy, we would have a great place to live. Show consideration, courtesy, and politeness. Thoughtfulness shows a caring attitude.

A man died, and St Peter asked him if he would like to go to heaven or hell. The man asked if he could see both before deciding. St Peter took him to hell first. There the man saw a big hall containing a long table, laden with many kinds of food. He also saw rows of people with pale, sad faces. They looked starved and there was no laughter. And he observed one more thing: Their hands were tied to four-foot-long forks and knives, and they were trying to get the food from the centre of the table to put into their mouths. But they couldn’t.

Then, St Peter took him to see heaven. There he saw a big hall with a long table, with lots of food. He noticed rows of people on both sides of the table with their hands tied to four- foot forks and knives also. But here people were laughing and were well fed and healthy- looking. The people realising that they could not feed themselves with four foot forks, were feeding one another across the table. The result was happiness, enjoyment, and gratification because they were not thinking of themselves alone; they were thinking win- win.

The same is true of our lives. When we serve our customers, our families, our employers, and employees, we automatically win.

A person who says whatever he likes usually ends up hearing what he doesn’t like. Be tactful. Tact consists of choosing one’s words carefully and knowing how far to go. It also means knowing what to say and what to leave unsaid. Words reflect attitude. Words can hurt feelings and destroy relationships. More people have been hurt by an improper choice of words than by any natural disaster. Words spoken out of bitterness can cause irreparable damage. The way parents speak to their children in many instances shapes their children’s destiny.

SPOKEN WORDS CAN’T BE RETRIEVED

A farmer slandered his neighbour. Realising his mistake, he went to the preacher to ask for forgiveness. The preacher told him to take a bag of feathers and drop them in the centre of town. The farmer did as he was told. Then the preacher asked him to go and collect the feathers and put them back in the bag. The farmer tried but couldn’t as the feathers had all blown away. When he returned with the empty bag, the preacher said, “The same thing is true about your words. You dropped them rather easily, but you cannot retrieve them. You need to be very careful in choosing your words.” Something commonly used but very profound is “Lost time, a fired bullet and spoken words cannot be retrieved.” Words can make or break life.

When a person is negatively criticised, he becomes defensive.

However, constructive criticism is something we should offer and receive.

Some suggestions for giving criticism that motivates others:

• Be a coach—criticise with a helpful attitude.
• Be specific, rather than saying things like ‘You always’ or ‘You never’.
• Get your facts right.
• Don’t be sarcastic as it builds resentment.
• If criticism is given appropriately, it will reduce the need for repetition.
• Criticise in private not in public.
• Show them a benefit from correcting.
• Point out the loss from not correcting it.
• Criticise the performance, not the performer.
• Don’t express personal resentment.
• Keep criticism in perspective.

How to receive constructive criticism?

There will be times when you will be criticised. An inability to accept constructive criticism is a sign of poor self-esteem.

Suggestions for accepting criticism:

• Take it in the right spirit. Deal with it graciously rather than grudgingly.
• Evaluate it with an open mind, if it makes sense accept it, learn from it and implement it.
• Don’t be defensive. Accept constructive criticism immediately and emphatically.
• Thank the person who gives constructive criticism. A person with high self-esteem accepts positive criticism and becomes better, not bitter.

Complain—Yes, but don’t become a permanent complaining personality. If you don’t get good food at the hotel, of course, you must complain. But don’t become a permanent complainer. Some people are chronic complainers. It becomes a personality trait. They complain no matter what. To them—if it is hot, it is too hot, if it is cold, it is too cold. If it is raining it is too wet. To them every day is a bad day. They complain no matter what. Even when things are going perfectly right, they still find something to complain about. Why should one not be a permanent complainer? Because fifty per cent of the people don’t care that you have a problem and the other fifty per cent are happy that you do have a problem. What is the point of complaining? In fact, a chronic complainer spends half his life at the customer service counters.

A smile costs nothing, but it creates much.

It enriches those who receive it without impoverishing those who give it. It happens in a flash and the memory of it may last forever.

It creates happiness in the home, fosters goodwill in a business and is the countersign of friends.

It is rest to the weary, and nature’s best antidote for trouble.

In the course of the day, some of your acquaintances may be too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours.

Cheerfulness flows from goodness. A smile can be fake or genuine. The key is to have a genuine one. It takes more muscles to frown than to smile. It is easier to smile than frown. It improves face value. Who likes to be around a grouch? No one except may be a bigger grouch! A smile is contagious and is an inexpensive way to improve looks. A smiling face is always welcome.

Always start a relationship on a positive note. Give the other person the benefit of doubt

e.g. How often have we put through a call and not received a reply for two days? The first thought that comes to mind is, “They ignored me.”

It never occurs that may be:

1. They never got the message
2. They got the message but might be having an emergency.
3. They tried but couldn’t get through
4. Got through, left the message and you never got it.

There could be many reasons. It is worth giving the benefit of doubt to the other person and starting on a positive note.

Some people suffer from ‘paranoia’: They think the world is out to get them. That is not true. By starting with positive assumptions, we have a better chance of building a pleasing personality resulting in good relationships.

Why is listening important?

Listening shows caring. When you show a caring attitude towards another person, you make the other person feel important. When he feels important, what happens? He is more motivated and more receptive to your ideas.Good listening brings people together. It solidifies relationships and avoids misunderstanding.

“Nothing great is ever achieved without enthusiasm.”  – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Enthusiasm and success go hand in hand, but enthusiasm comes first. Enthusiasm inspires confidence, raises morale, builds loyalty and is priceless. Enthusiasm is contagious. You can feel enthusiasm by the way a person talks, walks or shakes hands. Enthusiasm is a habit that one can acquire and practice.

Live while you are alive. Don’t die before you are dead.

Enthusiasm and desire are what change mediocrity to excellence. Water turns into steam with a difference of only one degree in temperature and steam can move some of the biggest engines in the world. That is what enthusiasm helps you to do in your life.

The psychologist William James said, “One of the deepest desires of human beings is the desire to be appreciated. The feeling of being unwanted is hurtful.”

Sincere appreciation is one of the greatest gifts one can give to another person. Why is appreciation important? It makes a person feel important. Their self-esteem goes up. It makes them feel good. It brings them closer. The desire to feel important is one of the greatest cravings in most human beings. It can be a great motivator.

Appreciation, in order to be effective, must meet the following criteria:

It must be specific. When I say, “The way you handled that difficult customer under time pressure was great,” then he knows what he is being appreciated for.

It must be sincere. It must come from the heart. You must mean every word. It is better

not to appreciate if you don’t mean it because insincerity comes through.

It must be immediate. The effectiveness is diluted if we show our appreciation for someone six months after he has done something commendable.

Don’t qualify praise with a but. By using the but as a connector, we erase the appreciation. Use ‘and’, ‘in addition to that’ or some other appropriate connector. Instead of saying, “I appreciate your effort but….”, say something like, “I appreciate your effort and would you please…”

After giving appreciation, it is not important to wait for a receipt or acknowledgment. Some people are looking for a compliment in return. That is not the purpose of appreciation.

If you are receiving appreciation, accept it graciously with a ‘Thank-you’. It is far easier

for people to deal with honest rejection rather than insincere appreciation.

A great philosopher said,

“When I am wrong, make me easy to change; and when I am right, make me easy to live with.”

This is a great philosophy to live by.

Some people live and learn while others live and never learn. Mistakes are to be learned from. The greatest mistake a person can make is to repeat it. Don’t assign blame. When you realise your mistake, immediately accept it and apologise for it.

• Don’t drag it.
• Don’t deny it.
• Don’t dodge it.
• Don’t dwell on it.
• Don’t defend it.

Why? Because it takes a big person to accept a mistake.

Acceptance disarms the other person. Acceptance of mistake should be sincere, not fake. Some people apologise because they mean it whereas others apologise as a tactic to buy time. The key to a positive personality is to accept one’s mistake sincerely.

Have you noticed that there are some argumentative personalities? Being argumentative comes naturally to them. It does not matter which side you are on; they are permanently on the other side. Arguments can be avoided, and a lot of heartache prevented by being a little careful. The best way to win an argument is to avoid it. An argument is one thing you will never win. If you win, you lose; if you lose, you lose. If you win an argument but lose a good job, customer, friend, or marriage, what kind of victory is it? Pretty empty. Discuss—Yes; Argue—No. Arguments result from inflated ego.

Arguing is like fighting a losing battle. Even if one wins, the cost may be more than the victory is worth. Emotional battles leave a residual ill will even if you win. In an argument, both people are trying to have the last word. An argument is nothing more than a battle of egos and results in a yelling contest.

A bigger fool than the one who knows it all is the one who argues with him! What is the Difference Between an Argument and a Discussion?

An argument throws heat; a discussion throws light.

One stems from ego and a closed mind whereas the other comes from an open mind.

An argument is an exchange of ignorance whereas a discussion is an exchange of

knowledge.

An argument is an expression of temper whereas a discussion is an expression of logic.

An argument tries to prove who is right whereas a discussion tries to prove what is

Right.

Discussion entails not only saying the right thing at the right time but also leaving unsaid what need not be said. Children should be taught the art of speaking up but not talking back. The way a person handles an argument reflects his upbringing.

Example of an Arguement

For example, at a social get-together, especially after a few drinks, someone may say authoritatively, “The current year’s export figures are $50 billion.” You happen to know that his information is incorrect, and the right figure is $45 billion. You read it in the paper that morning, or you heard it on the radio on the way to the get-together and you have a bulletin in your car to substantiate it. Do you make your point? Yes, by saying, “My information is that the export figure is $45 billion.” The other person reacts, “You don’t know what you are talking about. I know exactly what it is, and it is $50 billion.”

At this point, you have several choices:

Make your point again and start an argument.

Run and bring the bulletin from your car and make sure you prove him wrong.

Discuss but don’t argue.

Avoid it.

The right choices are number 3 and 4. If one wants to accomplish great things in life one has to practice maturity. Maturity means not getting entangled in unimportant things and petty arguments.

Steps to Opening a Discussion

• Be open-minded.
• Don’t be dragged into an argument.
• Don’t interrupt.
• Listen to the other person’s point of view before giving your own.
• Ask questions to clarify. That will also set the other person thinking.
• Don’t exaggerate.
  
• Be enthusiastic in convincing, not forceful.
• Be willing to yield.
• Be flexible on petty things but not on principles.
• Don’t make it a prestige issue.
• Give your opponent a graceful way to withdraw without hurting his pride. Rejection can be hurtful.
• Use soft words but hard arguments rather than hard words and soft arguments.

How to defuse an argument?

It may be a good idea to use phrases such as:

• It appears to me …
• I may be wrong …
• Another way to defuse arguments is by showing ignorance and asking questions such as:
• Why do you feel that way?
• Can you explain a little?
• Can you be more specific? If nothing works, it may be worthwhile to politely, gently and with courtesy, agree to disagree.

Remember: As mature adults we should learn the art of disagreeing without being disagreeable.

Cardinal Rule Never argue especially when the other person is not open to listen.

Why?

Argument is one thing you will never win.

Even if you win an argument, you will end up losing respect anyway. It is not worth it.

Remember, people who gossip with you will also gossip about you. Gossiping and lying are closely related. A gossip listens in haste and repeats at leisure.

Someone said it well: “Small people talk about other people, mediocre people talk about things, great people talk about ideas.”

The next time you indulge in gossip, ask yourself.

Is it the truth?

Is it kind and gentle?

Is it necessary?

Am I spreading rumors?

Do I say positive things about others?

Do I enjoy and encourage others to spread rumors?

Can I maintain confidentiality? Refrain from indulging in gossip. Remember, small talk comes out of big mouths.

Gossip can lead to slander and defamation of character.

People who listen to gossip are as guilty as those who do the gossiping.

Gossip can break hearts, ruins lives and is cunning and malicious. It tarnishes reputations, topples governments, wrecks marriages, ruins careers and makes innocent cry.

A commitment is a promise that is going to be kept no matter what. Commitment comes out of character and leads to conviction.

Uncommitted relationships are shallow and hollow. They are a matter of convenience and are temporary. Nothing lasting has ever been created without commitment.

Commitment does not take away freedom; it actually gives more freedom because it provides a sense of security.

The most important commitment we ever make is to our values. That is why it is imperative to have a good value system.

Commitment leads to enduring relationships through thick and thin. It shows a person’s character.

Gratitude is a feeling. It improves our personality and builds character. Gratitude develops out of humility. It is a feeling of thankfulness towards others. It is conveyed through our attitude towards others and reflects in our behaviour. Gratitude does not mean reciprocating good deeds, gratitude is not give and take. Kindness, understanding and patience cannot be repaid. What does gratitude teach us? It teaches us the art of cooperation and understanding. Gratitude must be sincere. A simple thank you can be gracious. Many times, we forget to be thankful to the people closest to us, such as our spouse, our relatives, our friends.

Gratitude would rank among the top qualities that form the character and personality of an individual with integrity. Ego stands in the way of showing gratitude. A gracious attitude changes our outlook in life. With gratitude and humility, right actions come naturally. Gratitude ought to be a way of life, something that we cannot give enough of. It can mean a smile, or a thank you, or a gesture of appreciation.

Think of your most precious possessions. What makes them special? In most cases, the gift is less significant than the giver. Seldom are we grateful for the things we already possess.

Think back and try to recall the people who had a positive influence on your life. Your parents, teachers, anyone who spent extra time to help you. Perhaps it appears that they just did their job. Not really. They willingly sacrificed their time, effort, money, and many other things for you. They did it out of love and not for your thankfulness. At some point, a person realises the effort that went in to help them shape their future. Perhaps it is not too late to thank them.

This does not amount to doing favours from the doer’s perspective. If one doesn’t do things that can be done to help another person, then it is sad. But I am convinced that there is no such thing as ‘By the way’, it is always ‘out of the way’ and it is worth it.

How does this translate in our real lives?

We feed or give shelter to someone for a few days and say, “Look what I did for him.” It is not uncommon to hear people saying, “If it wasn’t for me, this person would be on the street.” What an ego! Gratitude does not mean that people are beholden to each other. Rather, it is a very humbling feeling.

The old adage, “An ounce of loyalty is worth more than a pound of cleverness,” is

universal and eternal.

Ability is important but dependability is crucial. If you have someone with a lot of ability but who is not dependable, do you want him as part of your team? No, not at all.

I KNEW YOU WOULD COME

There were two childhood friends who went through school, college and even joined the army together. War broke out and they were fighting in the same unit. Bullets were flying all over, out of the darkness came a voice, “Harry, please come and help me.” Harry immediately recognised the voice of his childhood friend, Bill. He asked the captain if he could go. The captain said, “No, I can’t let you go, I am already short-handed, and I cannot afford to lose one more person. Besides, the waybill sounds he is not going to make it.” Harry kept quiet. Again, the voice came, “Harry, please come and help me.”

Harry sat quietly because the captain had refused earlier. Again, and again the voice came. Harry couldn’t hold himself any longer and told the captain, “Captain, this is my childhood friend. I have to go and help.” The captain reluctantly let him go. Harry crawled through the darkness and dragged Bill back into the trench. They found that Bill was dead. Now the captain got angry and shouted at Harry, “Didn’t I tell you he was not going to make it? He is dead, you could have been killed and I would have become more short handed. You made a mistake.” Harry replied, “No Captain, I did not make a mistake. When I reached Bill, he was not dead. His last words were, “Harry, I knew you would come.”

Good relationships are hard to find and once developed should be nurtured. We are often told: Live your dream. But you cannot live your dream at the expense of others. People who do so are unscrupulous.

We need to make personal sacrifices for our family, friends, those we care about and who depend on us.

Don’t be a garbage collector. Have you heard the phrase I can forgive but I can’t forget? There is a tremendous value in forgiving and forgetting. When a person holds a grudge, who is he hurting the most? Himself. Who has the blood pressure? He does. Even for selfish reason, forgive and forget makes sense. Forgiveness always starts from ourselves. Many times, we keep punishing ourselves for our past mistakes more than others ever do, by retaining guilt and resentment. This is called excess baggage for which, we always have to pay a price. How long are we going to punish ourselves? Besides, if we cannot forgive ourselves, how can we forgive anyone else? We can only give what we have. When a person refuses to forgive, he is locking doors that someday he might need to open.

Shame on Me

While it is not worth holding grudges, it doesn’t make sense to be bitten time and again. It is well said, “Cheat me once, shame on you; you cheat me twice, shame on me.” John Kennedy once said, “Forgive the other person but don’t forget their name.” I am sure that his message was that one should not get cheated twice.

What is honesty?

An honest person shows good behaviour, always follows rules and regulations, maintain discipline, speak the truth, and is punctual.

Honesty means to be genuine and real versus fake and fictitious. Honesty inspires openness, reliability, and frankness. It shows respect for oneself and others. Lies may have speed but truth has endurance.

What is Integrity?

Integrity is the practice of being honest and showing a consistent and uncompromising adherence to strong moral and ethical principles and values. People with integrity never puts their credibility on line.

Integrity is not found in company brochures or titles but in a team’s character while

pursuing the common goal.

What is sincerity?

Sincerity is the virtue of one who communicates and acts in accordance with the entirety of their feelings, beliefs, thoughts, and desires in a manner that is honest and genuine.

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

Steve came back from school, had his snacks and juice that his mother had prepared and said, “I love you Mom” and ran away. Knowing fully well that mother had to take care of the laundry and cleaning the house. John also came from school and said, “I love you Mom, more than my words can express.” He also had his snacks and juice and went away to play. Then came Paul who also said, “I love you, Mom. Today, I will help you all the way.” He took care of the chores, cleaned the house, and put the garbage outside. While going to bed, all three said to their mother, “I love you, Mom.” Do you think mother was able to guess who loved her the most?

Confidence without humility amounts to arrogance. Humility is the foundation of all virtues. It is a sign of greatness. Humility does not mean self-demeaning behavior that would amount to belittling oneself. Sincere humility attracts but false humility detracts.

Many years ago, a rider came across some soldiers who were trying to move a heavy log without success. The corporal was standing by as the men struggled. The rider asked the corporal why he wasn’t helping. The corporal replied, “I am the corporal; I give orders.” The rider dismounted, went up to the soldiers and helped them lift the log. With his help, the log was moved. The rider quietly mounted his horse and went to the corporal and said, “The next time your men need help, send for the Commander-in-Chief.” After he left, the corporal and his men found out that the rider was George Washington.

The message is clear. Success and humility go hand in hand. When others blow your horn, the sound goes further. Just think about it. Simplicity and humility are two hallmarks of greatness.

In relationships we all make mistakes and sometimes we are insensitive to the needs of others, especially those very close to us. All this leads to disappointment and resentment. The answer to handling disappointment is understanding.

Relationships don’t come about because people are perfect. They come about because of understanding.

There is more gratification in being a caring person than in just being a nice person. A caring attitude builds goodwill, which is the best kind of insurance that a person can have, and it doesn’t cost a thing. Some people substitute money for caring and understanding. Being understanding is far more important than money and the best way to be understood is to be understanding.

Practice Generosity

Generosity is a sign of emotional maturity. Being generous is being thoughtful and considerate without being asked. Generous people experience the richness of life that a selfish person cannot even dream of. Be considerate; selfishness brings its own punishment. Be sensitive to other people’s feelings.

Be Tactful

Tact is very important in any relationship. Tact is the ability to make a point without alienating the other person. Being tactful means being truthful while being sensitive and considerate for the other peoples’ feeling.

Kindness

Money will buy a great dog but only kindness will make him wag his tail. It is never too soon for kindness because we don’t know how soon is too late. Kindness is a language the deaf can hear and the blind can see. It is better to treat a friend with kindness while he is living than display flowers on his grave when he is dead. An act of kindness makes a person feel good regardless of whether he is doing it or it is done to him. Kind words never hurt the tongue.

Practice courtesy. Courtesy is nothing more than consideration for others. It opens doors that would not otherwise open. A courteous person who is not very sharp, will go further in life than a discourteous but sharp person. It is the little things that make a big difference. Have you ever been bitten by an elephant? The most obvious answer is no. Have you ever been bitten by a mosquito? Most of us have. It is the little irritants that test your patience. Courtesies are made up of little-little kindnesses.

Small courtesies will take a person much further than cleverness.

Courtesy is an offshoot of deep moral behavior. It costs nothing but pays well. No one is too big or too busy to practice courtesy. Courtesy means giving your seat to the elderly or to the disabled. Courtesy can be a warm smile or a thank you. It is a small investment, but the payoffs are big. It enhances the other person’s self-worth.

Courtesy requires humility(नम्रता). It is unfortunate when people become obnoxious (अप्रिय/प्रतरस्कार उत्पन्न करणारा); they detract from their positive traits. I have overheard people saying with pride, “I can be pretty obnoxious.” It makes you wonder about them.

Manners (समाजात वागण्याची पध्दत)

Courtesy and manners go hand in hand. It is equally important, if not more, to practice manners at home and not just on outsiders. Showing consideration and good manners brings out a feeling of warmth and acceptance in the home. Courtesy means practicing good manners.

Life without humor becomes very dry and tough. Humor is the lubricant that tides the person through tough spots in life. Any humor which is hurtful to others is not humor any more. Some people are humor impaired. A sense of humor makes a person likable and attractive. The best kind of humor is when we can laugh at ourselves. It is a sign of maturity.

Learn to laugh at yourself because it is the safest humor. Laughing at yourself gives you the energy to bounce back. Laughter is a natural tranquiliser for people all over the world. Humor may not change the message, but it certainly can help take the sting out of the bite.

THE HEALING POWER OF HUMOR

Dr Norman Cousins, author of Anatomy of an Illness, is a prime example of how a person can cure himself of a terminal illness. He had a one in 500 chance of recovery, but Dr Cousins wanted to prove that if there was anything like mind over matter, he’d make it a reality. He figured if negative emotions caused negative chemicals in our body, then the reverse must be true too. Positive emotions, like happiness and laughter, would bring positive chemicals into our system. He moved from the hospital to a hotel and rented humorous movies and literally cured himself by laughing. Of course, medical help is important, but the will to live for the patient is equally, if not more, important.

A funny bone could be a lifesaver. Besides, it makes life’s adversities easier to handle.

Negative humour may include sarcasm, put-downs, and hurtful remarks. Any humour involving sarcasm that makes fun of others is in poor taste.

“When someone blushes with embarrassment, when someone carries away an ache, when something sacred is made to appear common, when someone’s weakness provides the laughter, when profanity is required to make it funny, when a child is brought to tears or when everyone can’t join in the laughter, it’s a poor joke.” – Cliff Thomas

It is not an uncommon sight to see boys throwing stones at frogs just to have fun. The boys’ fun means death to the frogs. It is not fun for the frogs.

Humor can be valuable or dangerous, depending on whether you are laughing with someone or at someone. When humour involves making fun of or ridiculing others, it is not in good taste nor is it innocent.

Sarcasm alienates people. It is good idea to avoid sarcastic humour and keep it ‘low-risk’.

People forget injuries, they don’t forget insults. Laugh with people— not at people.

We keep looking for the right employer, the right employee, spouse, parent, child, and so on. We forget that we have to be the right person too. Experience has shown that there is no perfect person, no perfect job, no perfect spouse. When we look for perfection, we are disappointed because all we find is that we traded one set of problems for another set of problems. Having lived in the West for over 20 years, I have observed that with the high divorce rate the way it is, people find after they get married for the second time that their new spouse doesn’t have the problems of the first one but has a totally new set of problems. Similarly, people change jobs or fire employees looking for the right one only to find that they traded one set of problems for another. Let’s try and work around these challenges and make divorcing or firing the last rather than the first resort.

Sacrifice

Friendship takes sacrifice. Building friendships and relationships takes sacrifice, loyalty, and maturity. Sacrifice takes going out of one’s way and never happens by the way. Selfishness destroys friendships. Casual acquaintances come easy but true friendships take time to build and effort to keep. Friendships are put to tests and when they endure, they grow stronger. We must learn to recognize counterfeit relationships. True friends do not want to see their friends hurt. True friendship gives more than it gets and stands by adversity.

Fair-Weather Friend

A fair-weather friend is like a banker who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back the minute it rains.

Two men were traveling through the forest and came across a bear. One of them quickly climbed a tree but the other was unable to, so he lay on the ground and played dead. The bear sniffed around his ear and left. The fellow from the tree came down and asked him, “What did the bear tell you?” The man replied, “He said, don’t trust a friend who deserts you in danger.” The message is as dear as daylight.

People Make Friends for Different Motives Friendships can be categorized as follows:

Friendship of pleasure. You are a friend so long as the relationship is entertaining and fun, i.e., a fair-weather friend.

Friendship of convenience. This is where people make friendships to gain favors. These friendships last until the usefulness of the other person ends. These friendships are not permanent.

True friendship. This is based on mutual respect and admiration. True friends are people who have the good of each other at heart and act accordingly. Good deeds come back to us in the form of good friends. There is lasting goodness on both sides. It is based on character and commitment.

Prosperity brings friends, adversity reveals them.

People who are true friends in the real sense help one another, but these are not favors. They are acts incidental to friendship. And if they don’t help, they would be failing in their relationships.

Relationships don’t just happen; they take time to build. They are built on kindness, understanding, and self-sacrifice, not on jealousy, selfishness, puffed up egos, and rude behavior. Relationships should never be taken for granted. Once relationships are established, they need to be nurtured constantly. Nobody is perfect. Expecting perfection is setting yourself up for disappointment.

Friendly Cooperation

It is difficult to achieve success without the friendly cooperation of others. A pleasing personality is flexible and adaptable while maintaining composure. Flexibility does not mean flimsy or helpless behavior. It means assessing and responding appropriately and in a timely manner to a given situation. Flexibility does not stretch to principles and values.

When you share sorrow, it divides; when you share happiness, it multiplies.

What is the difference between Sympathy and Empathy?

Sympathy is “I understand how you feel.” Empathy is “I feel how you feel”.

Sympathy stops with words, whereas empathy triggers the action to relieve the other

person’s pain.

When we empathise with our customers, employers, employees, and families, what happens to our relationships? They improve.

It generates understanding, loyalty, peace of mind and higher productivity.

How do you judge the character of a person, or for that matter of community or country?

It is easy, just observe how the people or community treats these three categories of people

• The Disabled
• The elderly
• Their subordinates

If you want to achieve greatness in life, strive to be good. The greatness will come automatically.